Win/win vs. Lose/lose

One of my favorite things is to be involved in a situation that I like to call a win/win. Let me give you some examples. I know many people that are artisans of several styles. When I am in need of a gift for someone the first thing I do is a quick brain scan to see if anyone I know creates something I can give to someone else. When I can this is a win/win. The artist needs to sell his or her art, I need a gift and another person receives a custom made, one of a kind present. Win/win!

 

Another example is my work. I have one of those jobs that falls into a little niche. I work in video production and not everyone needs my services and most people can’t afford my services, however, there are a small group of people that do. One of my best examples, we decided to have some home improvements done at our home. On a lark, I said to the contractor “Do you need a demo video?” this lead to a conversation that concluded with us doing a video of the work being done. At the end the cost of the video was deducted from the cost of the work and we got a very good discount and the company got a quality video that they were able to use for perspective customers. Win/win!

 

Unfortunately all situations are not win/win. In fact I would venture to say more are lose/lose. Probably the most prominent lose/lose currently is Travon Martin and George Zimmerman. Let me preface this with the old adage, I don’t have a dog in this hunt. My only connection to this case; I live in Florida. That’s it.  But because I live in Florida, I’ve been hearing about this case since the beginning.

 

As the mother of two and grandmother of four I won’t even pretend to know how the Martin family feels. I can only imagine the devastation. On the other hand, I can sympathize with the Zimmerman family. I have a relative that spent time in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. Now I know all prisoners are innocent but in this case, he was. Quite frankly it wasn’t fair, but as we already know, life isn’t fair.

 

When one compares the differences between the Martin family and the Zimmerman family obviously George Zimmerman is still alive, although his life will never be the same. However that doesn’t mean he should spend the rest of his life in prison. Punishing him will not bring Travon Martin back nor will it heal the pain that the Martin family feels. Is it fair, probably not, but we already know the answer to that.

 

Fortunately for most of us, the justice system is supposed to be blind, thus the blindfold on Lady Justice. Is she always blind? Regrettably she is not.

 

Frequently in situations like this someone will be heard quoting the Blackstone Formulation "better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer." This was articulated by the English jurist William Blackstone in his Commentaries on the Laws of England, published in the 1760s.  It would be hard to miss the connection between the date of the Commentaries of the Laws of England and what was happening in America at the same time. Our Founding Fathers were highly educated, well read students of Greek, Roman and English history. It would be beyond an assumption to join the two events.

 

However if one looks back even farther the concept of innocent until proven guilty can be found in a little book known as… the Bible. In the book of Genesis God is about to obliterate Sodom and Gomorrah and Abraham was brave enough to ask God to not destroy the innocent with the wicked.

 

In Genesis 18:23-32 (NIV) it says ²³ Then Abraham approached him and said: “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? ²⁴ What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? Will you really sweep it away and not spare^[a] the place for the sake of the fifty righteous people in it? ²⁵ Far be it from you to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?”

²⁶ The Lord said, “If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake.” To shorten this story Abraham continues to negotiate with God until verse 32 which continues ³² Then he (Abraham) said, “May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?” He (God) answered, “For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it.”

God was willing to save the entire city if Abraham could find only ten righteous men. I don’t think it is much of a leap to believe that most people know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah regardless of ones religious philosophy. Let’s just say it was a win/win for Abraham, (God let Abraham and his family leave) but it was definitely a lose/lose for Sodom and Gomorrah.

It would be nice to think that there are more win/wins in life and less lose/lose, but I’m not sure that is the case. Is it fair that an unarmed 17 year old Travon Martin is dead? No!  Is it fair that George Zimmerman, unanimously exonerated by a jury of his peers, will spend the rest of his life paying in one way or another? Of course not! More than likely this event was a misunderstanding by both parties that went horribly wrong.

But as we already know life isn’t fair. This is a parent’s worst nightmare; no one would call this a Fairy Tale.
 

 

 

Intro Fair Is For Fairy Tales!

If you would be kind enough to indulge me I’d like to explain the title of my blog. I’ll start by telling you a little about me. I’m a middle aged woman with a husband, two married children and four beautiful grandchildren. By-the-way, since I’m middle aged, I should note that I plan on living until I’m at least 120. Hey, it could happen!

The genesis of my title comes from my incredible children, especially my daughter. She was very quick to point out all of the injustices in her life. Another way to say it: every time she didn’t get her way she would whine, “That’s not fair!” After hearing this about a million times, I finally looked at her and said, “Fair is for fairy tales, this is real life get over it.” Although she was often treated like a Princess, I felt it was my job to alert her to the realities of life before it was too late.  Needless to say she did not appreciate my life lessons and would give me ‘The Look’ and stomp off to her room.

After playing this game for awhile as she would start to say her line, I would reply with mine and by the time I got to Fair is… she would have already given my ‘The Look’ and stomped off to her personal palace.

Now let’s fast forward 30 years and she is married and has two amazing children, one is a daughter… (Pause for laughter)… I now sit back and watch and listen and before long I hear my granddaughter proclaim something in her life is ‘not fair’.  Trying desperately not to laugh, I look at my daughter, who gives me ‘The Look’. She then says something to her daughter, and might I add that I believe my daughter would bite her tongue off before repeating my mantra. At this point my granddaughter gives my daughter ‘The Look’ and stomps off to her own personal palace.  Once my granddaughter is out of the room, I snicker and look at my daughter and remind her that ‘The Look’ doesn’t work on me, never did, never will. After all she did inherit it from me! Ah, aren’t family traditions great.

Now that you understand my philosophy I will point out some of the things in life that may not be fair but as you already know, fair is for fairy tales.